Funny how a bad week or two can make a faithless blogger feel like blogging...maybe it's a stress reliever.
To make a long, harrowing story of embarrassment and sobbing on my bedroom floor short, I've been late with three papers and two Latin assignments in the past few weeks, besides having made a few posts in western lit discussion forums that I wish I could retract.
One of those papers was really late. I mean reaaaally late. I'm always a procrastinator, but I usually manage to stop procrastinating at just the right moment. Not lately, though. I'm also a perfectionist, and I just couldn't get past writers' block; plus, I was struggling with how to deal with the assignment. Every day as it got later, I began an email to my professor asking him for help, but I could never quite follow through with sending them. So I struggled on alone. One night, after I was going on five days late, I grew so desperate to get the paper done that I wrote a final pleading email in the best Anne of Green Gables apology style, eating huge doses of humble pie and BEGGING for help in the lowest possible style. (I cringe at the memory.) And I swore that if I didn't finish the paper by 8:30 the next morning, I would send the email. Well I finished the paper. (One of the worst papers I ever wrote, but though it was terribly late, it was done anyway.)
For an unrelated purpose, I had to talk to that professor on the phone the same day and disgraced myself all over again by sounding absolutely terrified. Yeah, I'm blushing even as I write that. I'll always wonder whether it was actually noticeable, or whether I'm just acutely self-conscious.
As if all that wasn't bad enough, I positively bit two of my sisters' heads off when they tried to ask me simple questions. "How d'ya spell 'Happy Birthday'?" "I DON'T KNOW; LEAVE ME ALONE!!" "Unbutton my dress for me, please?" "GROW UP AND DO IT YOURSELF." One of them went and cried, and I felt terrible but didn't pull myself away from my computer long enough to go apologize. (Incidentally, I also bit off my fingernails, and I used to have very nice fingernails.)
God is gracious and forgiving. I'm thankful that the work of His Son does for me what I fail to do, and that when I fall short, He giveth more grace.
Still, I'm full of enough pride to wish He didn't need to give me quite so much.
That does sound like a terrible week! I know God has lessons for us to learn, but I really wish He didn't have to make them so painful. Have you managed to finish the other papers and assignments, or are you still working on them? You'll be in my prayers, and I hope life resettles soon. I personally can't wait for Thanksgiving break, even if it's only four days long, when I can finally catch up on some sleep, and perhaps even catch up on school work. Hang in there, Toria!
ReplyDelete-LS.
Thank you, LS, for your prayers. I'm still working on some papers, but I'm getting closer to seeing the end in sight.
ReplyDeleteWe don't really get a Thanksgiving break in most of my classes; in Latin and Greek, it's nothing more than a time extension that just pushes the assignments over to join the next week's regular load. *waldo* Still, even a slight break in a couple classes would help.
Your comment was such an encouragement, though! I'll make it through. All the best to you in all your classes!